Service started wif a couple of songs which I didn't know so I tried pathetically to sing along and clap to the beat of the song, haha...wonder if I did well? Haha...on second thoughts, I really don't want to know..
As things got better and the songs get more familiar..Pastor Joyce took that time to announce about me saying the prayer after the 2nd session of Youth Alpha. I was really surprise she would announce tt..I didn't know she was that happy about me saying the prayer, honestly...I was totally, seriously, utterly embarrassed...well, not that exaggerated though..and for a while I was thinking no one would know it was me...then it hit me that some ppl knew it was me after all...Haha..k, I should be more realistic especially during June Camp...
Today's session was a pretty...personal one..especially towards the end...Although Pastor David was a great preacher who makes us laugh half the time while during the other half we were trying to understand what he's talking about, I think the service is one of the times that impacted me a lot. It was about becoming a person of influence, a continuation of Becoming a Person of Influence.
One of the things that set me thinking was this: We are put on Earth to influence others. Does that have any connection to God's purpose for us is to spread his words and bring more people back to him? I guess in a way it does...now I really experience what Pastor Martin ( I think) was talking about the other day - Evangelism. The teasing of Jesus and the patience needed for Evangelism...shan't point out names whatsoever...just that I'm surprise a person who claims to be a Christian would ridicule the fact that Jesus loves all of us so much that he died for us...
Getting away from this stuff...
In Eph 2:10, it is written "We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Is this what people called fate since God knew all about us even before we were born? So in other words, does fate really exist? This line also proves that there is such a thing called Destiny, and I guess it's up to us to find what our purpose in life is. I spent some time reading Micah 6:6-8 and Matthew 7:7-12 but....I'm still confuse...
Haha...speaking of Eph, here's the funny part: I spend about half an hour trying to find Eph in the Old Testament before I realize that it was actually in the New Testament..haha..kk TQ..I guess you can return to calling me a bimbo again, haha..
*Arhem* Gee...has anyone besides me realize that I've been demoralizing myself a lot lately? But I've decided that I shan't swear and so I didn't swear at all in this entry! Wow..that's an improvement...
There are a couple of other msgs tt were really important but I'm rushing to meet my own deadline to finish as much homework as possible before camp next monday...
Honestly, I don't know how to survive next week and the subsequent half of the year...can I just jump off a building?
Nah..what if I didn't hit the ground hard enough and still survived? I should just shoot myself but there's no gun...slash? But too messy...my poor family members would have to clean up all the blood around me...drown? too slow...hang? No rope...is ruffia string strong enough to support me? But again...I can't hang anywhere in my house since there's nowhere for me to hang myself at all...haiz...why is it that I can't even suicide??? Any other suggestions on how I can kill myself? Poison!!But...there's no poison in my house...
I live a very miserable life...I shouldn't be self-pitying but I can't help it..stressed! I'm thinking of running away when the ex-seniors come to see us for June Camp...but our school is too small to successfully hide anywhere...and I don't have a very good excuse to skip the camp...Whats more, I'm way behind schedule for the sec ones..they just don't seem to be learning..is it because I'm not a good platoon leader? Or am I too lenient with them? Or I didn't motivate them enough? Or...is it their fault they can't remember anything much? Haiz...yup...I live a very miserable life...Please pray for me before I do something foolish. Oh no..I'm getting paranoid...I ought to keep my cool...
- #67
